Friday, December 26, 2008

Amateur Alcoholic?


Alysia told me that I was an alcoholic because I "drink too much too often" and that I need to "learn how to have fun being sober."

All I gots to say is... "I BEEEEEGGGGG TO DIFFFA!"

I have too much fun being sober, so much fun that people think I'm drunk!

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Last night I drank a lot and threw up a little. But it was smooth.

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Smyr was buying us AMFs, I know... we all felt too predictable. The ominous guy with a 6 month beard next to smyr told him, "that's Amateur shit." Excuse me? An Adios Motha Fucka is amateur?! "Well yeah, it's blue for god's sake."

Smyr defended himself. "I've heard all my guy friends call me pussyshit for drinking this stuff because it's a pretty color, but what's the alternative? BEER? Please I want to get fucked up"

The anti-santa explained, "all that sugar, all that mystery alcohol, tell me it doesn't make you feel like shit the next morning. You know your body, you know what alcohol it likes. A real alcoholic would merely order their alcohol with their favorite chaser... mine was Kettle and Sprite."

Then I thought about Caitlin: Blue Berry Stoli and Sprite is what she would always order. Ahh.. Now she was a REAL alcoholic.

So instead of sitting there thinking... "Tokyo tea, long island, AMF, LC, red headed slut?!? scoobie snack...sugars, mysteries, colors...thizz face like we smell some piss bad alcohol" why don't we get to the point with out the "empty calories and terrible hang overs?

I guess, now I need to decide what makes me feel just right...

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So I sandwiched my colorful poisons with a costco polish dog, burnt bacon wrapped dates for dinner and ended the night with some "Sampler Trio" at Jack-In-the-Box... talk about killing your body.

3 comments:

Alex C. said...

A vodka martini straight up with a lemon twist...that is pure perfection.

~A

dannie said...

drink up! too bad, everything is strong for me.

Stanza said...

I just stick to my beers nowadays. Gone are the days when I would have 10 drinks on a night out :)

At least with beers it's kinda of safe and you know how much alcahol you are roughly taking in plus it's cheaper as well.
That is unless I feel a bit classy and start doing imported beers from Belgium :)