Saturday, July 12, 2008

Boys Suck

I define lame.

I miss my boys. With Szeto off to Korea to drink Soju all night, the group left in the states is without. Moany's been calling me less because of my Craigslist boy and Joe's recent car accident left him a bit paranoid when it comes to travel.

I really thought I found salvation. I considered James the person that may be able to help me get out of the hole I'm in. But lately, I've been feeling that instead of pulling me out, James maybe shoveling more dirt onto my body.

My Friday night was lame. The boys went to Dragon and I refused to go. Maybe because I was hoping to see James, but he never called me.

I held my head high today, saying to myself, "do not let a boy let you feel like this." I got out of the house. I took the lightrail station to Japantown by myself for the Obon Festival. Every year I go with a large group of friends. This year, no one was available. James didn't want to go either. I saw a familiar face and chatted a bit. I had lunch with Mony. We had the exact amount of cash to pay the bill thankfully and we shared two dishes. It felt good to hang out with him one on one. I missed him. But he had plans for the evening and left; stopping by Obon only because he knew I would be there. Mony usually makes me priority. I feel second place to James.

I bought my mom flowers and took the lightrail home. James didn't call all day, but instead of being a strong black women, I called him. To my delight he answered and we made some dinner plans. I told him my house would be empty and we can cook. I know he likes to cook and even more, he loves an empty house. I looked up some recipes with broccoli, James loves broccoli. My mom bought some rotisserie chicken and I borrowed some movies from the library for us to watch. As I got excited he responded, "yeah, I think I can." I browsed the web until he called me.

He told me his friend invited him to something. I understood why he said, "I think I can." He knew something was going to come up.

"Are you still coming over?"
"...i don't know." He knew. He just didn't know how to blow me off.
"Don't feel bad, just tell me yes or no. DON'T leave me hanging."
"He's leaving for Texas and wants to do a good bye thing."
"Oh totally, go see your friend!!" I said what he wanted to hear.
"What are you doing Sunday?"
"Nothing after 4"
"Can I see you then?"
"Bye James."
"Bye Chris."

I wasn't surprised, but I was still crushed.

I feel like I'm going to find myself in the same situation that seems to be a trend Sunday. Waiting for a phone call only to discover that he had made other plans with his friends and has no intention of integrating me into his life. Naturally, he will choose his friends, his family. After all, I am merely his Midnight Trick he met on Craigslist that can get pushed back to a later time, a later date. What a casual encounter.

Tonight, instead of home-made Broccoli and Chicken, I warmed up an old cardboard pizza from Little Cesar's. I'm going to watch the movies I borrowed because I have to return them by Tuesday.

And I'm wondering why I feel this way since I've only known him for 2 weeks. I guess I'm investing more of myself than I should.

Gah. Where are my friends? Where is my pride?


My real salvation is myself; is to get out of here. But I can't because of this FUCKING DUI. I have community service and DUI school. And it won't end.

As I was paying for the light rail an old fortune from a fortune cookie fell out of my man-bag that read: Great things will happen to you in 3 months.

I wondered... did I get this fortune 3 months ago? How cruel.

BTW. I love dance on TV

And my favorite minority couple hits it again!

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