Friday, April 11, 2008

What's On My Mind


Life's been okay. I realize that emotions are complicated. I realize that people who seem mature and strong aren't better off than anyone else. They just have a different way of approaching life that is seemingly more appealing. And they are constantly playing a game with you; throwing out signs, hoping you can read them. Suppress.. suppress... release. Outlets other than expressing emotions are used because who wants to deal with feelings? Work out, paint, self mutilation... eat. Suppress.

I laugh.

The most inspiring people are probably suppressing a lot of inner turmoil. It's a suppression that's enough that gives them that umph to excel in other things; allows them to be creative and motivated. The only way to resolve hurt is to be awesome.

I want to be strong, I'm trying to be mature... but in the end I'm still sensitive and at times I need someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. Vulnerable. Heh.

Hooking Up. Love.

Am I dating anyone right now? Nope.
Do I wish I were? I'm not really looking. And it's funny because out of everyone I know. (Wow so popular). I'm only interested in dating one person... but he's like 12... and haven't really spent much time with him. Oh and everyone else is straight.... darn. But those kids are just objects of my desire o.0. JK. ... ... ..... ..!

My main objective is to be friendly, flirtatious. For what? For fun.
And then what? *blank stare*

Have I been hooking up? No.
Do I want to? Not with gay people. Cuz that involves emotion... if not emotion then dangerous fluids.

I was talking to my friend who gradated from Cal. He told me that he made SO many regrets, I'm thankful I kept my regrets to a minimum. Woot.

Love is Retarded. Non Mutual Love is Retarded and on Crack. Maybe that's why a lot gay people have given up on pursuing love. Wouldn't it be nice to be loved by someone you love. Or even better love someone who loves you back? Wouldn't that be just a perfect world?!? OR OR OR wouldn't it be better if there is NO LOVE just fuck friends and shopping. Oh wait, that's how a lot of gays work anyway!

I have loved and not have it returned. I have been loved and couldn't love them back. That's a lot of suffering if you ask me.

I think I need a vacation from myself. Be someone else who loves and is loved (by the same person!) Or someone who isn't concerned with love at all; just Hip hop dancing... yeah. Boots with the fur...

Blog Obsession
I've been posting my blog on multiple blog search engines and I think I'm sort of regretting it.

Last night I submitted my site to Best Male Blog. This morning I checked my stats and got 30 hits from that site reference alone from Thailand to the Netherlands. And MAYBE I don't want people to look into my life that much. I do post a lot of personal images.

I mean, it's cool to have people care and read about your life, but from Best Male Blog, a lot of the readers were probably searching for homosexual exotic Asian images or something and unfortunately clicked on my boring link.

Do I want to be an object of gay Asian excitement to strangers from all over the world. After all, we "orientals are so cute!"

Heh, whatever. I'll leave it on for now and change the description to: The Life of Letopho. Not Submissive Asian Fetish Porn. Thank You.
GIF from Mission Peak Hike in October 2007

Two Hour Hike


Karnivalé said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karnivalé said...

wow i'm so glad i stumbled onto your blog

i can the tell the things you write are from the heart.

dannie said...

what you have said is so true.
sometimes you are loved when you dont return it.
sometimes you love when they dont return it.
its just another obstacle we have to go through to find that equal medium of being loved and giving it back.
but you have to love yourself first. apparently.

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